think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
