Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
