So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
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The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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