my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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