I cut my penus on the lid.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
