I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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