Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
