i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
