Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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