PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
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Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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