you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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