I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
