just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
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They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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