I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
