Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
