There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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