Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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