I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
