the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
