Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
