Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
