HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
