did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
