I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
