Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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