Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
