I heard we made out
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
