I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
