did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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