Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
