All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
