I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
