Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Found the puke drawer
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
