Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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