He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
