Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
