I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
