Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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