meet me or not, i'm out of control
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
