Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid