she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit