dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong