fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag