i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx