the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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