I'm really into asian looking animals
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.