last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
