You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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