sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
