I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
