you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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