so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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