I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
