i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
