i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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