everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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