you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
