The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
