My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
