omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
