I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
