just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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