I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am available for nakedness
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize