He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
