Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
