I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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