I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
