just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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