I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
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Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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