I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
