we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
